The True Test

Hey friends!

So, I feel like I truly started my journey of looking to change my mindset on November 19th, 2021. This is the day where I hired a mentor and coach to hold me accountable, challenge me, and work with me to actually change my mindset.

Prior to this I've read a couple of books and listened to a couple podcasts, shoutout to https://thejoyjunkie.com/pods/ and https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/and-she-rises/id1438759061

While there is nothing and there was nothing wrong for listening and reading things on my own, I personally needed something more. So, from November 19th, to current (today is December 8th, 2021), I've already felt a radical shift in my thinking.

I am a strong believer in that you when you put real and genuine effort into something what comes out is multiplied. As such, I've been painfully transparent with my coach. I've been leading her through my closet of skeletons which you may also see if you stay on this blog long enough. I truly feel that since I've been so honest and so dedicated to this shift and transformation that it is already manifesting in phenomenal ways. I can truly say that I am growing into a more positive and happier individual.

The past few weeks have been great. I'm seeing how the little things I implement compound to make my day better which will make my weeks better which will make my months better which will make my years better and ultimately make my life better.

When starting something new it can be exciting, and you go into it with big hopeful eyes. The real test comes though, when the new thing gets thrown a curve ball. I cannot tell you how many times I've done something new only to stop when it became hard, or I felt resistance. I am sure that all of us have similar stories in that regard. It is not until life gives us a rough shake down can we truly see where we are and where we are going to go.

While the past few weeks have been amazing, I did have a really bad day December 7, 2021. At least, the old me would have said that it was a bad day at work, and I would have come home and stuffed my face to comfort myself from such an awful day.

See, I am currently employed as a paralegal at a criminal defense firm. While I cannot go into any sort of details, on December 7th I made a pretty decent sized mistake. On a scale of 1-10 with 1 equaling a slap on the wrist and laughing it off and 10 equaling me packing my bags then and there, I would say that my mistake was a solid 5.5.

Before working with my coach, this mistake would have sent me into a down whirl spiral where I felt drowned in mean and brutal self-talk with limiting beliefs acting as an anchor dragging me to the bottom. It would have poisoned the rest of my day and I would have gone home and easily stuffed my face with 2,000+ calories.

Here is what happened instead though...

I was told about my mistake. I was told respectfully but I could certainly feel the heat coming from the eyes of the attorney as she looked at me and feel the cold sharp steel of her words. My heart sank. My stomach dropped to the center of the Earth. I could feel myself starting to sink and spiral. And then I made a choice. I took note of how I felt, and I knew where my mind was going, and I said no more. I acknowledged to myself that I made a mistake. I thought about how the mistake came about and devised a way to not make the same mistake moving forward. I acknowledged that my mistake was not from carelessness or malicious intent and that I am only human. The mistake does not make me less of a person or instantly a bad employee.

From working this out and not letting myself slip into a spiral I was able to continue having a really good day and I also did not end up overeating.

Each and every day, we have a choice. Every moment is a choice. And I am super happy for myself, super proud of myself, and I love myself for being able to face that mistake and practice what I have been learning.

Here is to the small blocks that end up making the most life changing moves.

-Stevon